so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
