put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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