I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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