the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
