I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
