She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
