We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
