I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
