You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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