My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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