As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
