I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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