The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
