Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
