ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
