So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
