I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
