I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
