He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
