Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
