OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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