yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
