did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
