I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
