You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
