She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
