This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
