My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
