i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
