my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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