Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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