Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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