Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
