Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
