You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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