do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
