the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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