dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
