Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
