Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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