According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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