just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
