Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pooping to opera.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
