How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
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