I'm gonna have a badass scar
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
