OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
