I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize