the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
