i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wear drunk well.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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