meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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