you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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