bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
