and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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