how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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