Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
