Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
