So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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