the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
