i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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