just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
