Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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