I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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