the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
