were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
