My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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