The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
