then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
