She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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