Cold hands, warm shart.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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