Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
