I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
