my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
