Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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